I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
