hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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