You work out of a Hotel?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
