They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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