Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
