Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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