haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
