Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Come on in and take your pants off
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