This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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