Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
