Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
