I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
