Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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