dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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