the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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