Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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