I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
