I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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