...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
