i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
