at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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