What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
