Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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