Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
