so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so let's talk penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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