GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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