I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
