Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
