my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
