You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
