I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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