every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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