I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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