I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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