he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize