I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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