I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
