my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My balls are so social today.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize