There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
