K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
