Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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