I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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