we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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