he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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