Ambien. No doubt about it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize