So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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