i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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