If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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