i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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