member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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