i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
