Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
