I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
