I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
