Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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