I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
