So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
