we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
