im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
