You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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