what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
