just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
