So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize