I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
