The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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