is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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