pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pants are for mortals
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
