That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
