U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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